So the world was fairly quiet this morning when I woke up at 4:23 in the morning for no apparent reason other than that I was just plain not tired (odd) this is eactly the time I would normally be winding down to go to bed this may not be good for the upcoming work week hmmm, anyway I went out into the world only to find it fairly quiet still around eight thirty when i began running errands at a much less than diligent pace with a wishywashy demeanor and basically a great attitude and very little direction at wall mart I found the sock rack where there were more socks on the floor than there were on the shelf, however it was much more important to continually move around the clearence items than to put the stuff you are gonna sell for full price back on the shelf the gloves and hats were also literaly covering about forty feet of floor it was fairly quiet for the day after Christmas, i found good deals on perfume and managed to actually find only two of the things on the shelf that was on the list out of 9 not very good odds. I was greeted by a pleasant but miserable cashier with the looks to go along with the demeanor. I tried unsuccessfully to make her laugh although

hazey days before long weekends

Another fabulous shift with an extended lunch and an hour of training with a sweet beatiful girl. I preped a double batch of cookies to mix up after the butter softens killed the trash in the kitchen put away all the stray dishes and clean ones scrubbed down the counters and cleaned up the table i rescued from certain doom in the dank basement. I cleaned up some trash put away the tools in the laundry room now painted on three walls with some of the art and a mirror rehung. The celing and the floor are in need of desperate attention in this 1890s victorian and the trim will be needing a fresh coat of high hiding white.

I listed a trunk I restored on Craigslist today

http://nh.craigslist.org/atq/2767026211.html

Then I preped some gift baskets for christmas filled with all kinds of terrific teas coffee and sauces a blooming indoor bulb and some cocanut to use as filler.

Then I cleaned the vacume and vacumed three rooms. I sanded some of the wall in the laundry room and tried to find the last picture to hang on the wall.

The Power of Positive thinking and the ability to experience happiness

Do you ever wonder why you are feeling bad are you in a rut and just can't ever seem to get out of it? Well the solution is easier than you may think.

An affirmative or positive thought is much more powerful than a negative thought. If you are feeling down or unhappy with your current state of affairs no matter how bad things are, as soon as you begin to think positivly you will start to move forward you will smilie more atract positive people and positive events. The biggest difference between sucess and failure is attitude.

As it was said life is ten percent chance and ninty percent attitude that mantra is the truth. I have gone through a terrible time this year. I am not suffering I am not negative instead I have focused on the good. Mountains of debt divorce death no matter what the event is dwelling in the bad will bring more bad. If you look for negative events you will see them in abundance. On the other hand if you look for the good and commit to being positive and feeling good you will begin to feel a change on a deeper level.

You will stop complaining about events other people and the effect they have on you and will begin to focus on the things in your life you can be grateful for as soon as you envision your goals and visualize positivly you will find opportunities that you had since then overlooked.

Heat lighting in clear skys with soft cold grass underfoot

A brief walk around beneath the starlit night heat lightning echoes across the sky brightening up the night like daylight in one brief flash after another.
The grass was cold damp and soft underfoot on my sore feet it was a connection to the world and those around me that I have not felt in a while. As a long weekend lights and laughter echoed off far in the distance and lights glowed up and down the street.

Wake up and take life by the reigns choose a new direction and find passion

Awaking after several weeks of nearly non stop rain fog overcast sky's and dribble or drizzle if you prefer. I did not find I was tired or sad instead I found that for the first time in a long time I was at peace.

When the storm broke and the sun finally showed itself I found myself looking out on a lush and overgrown lawn I saw not work desperately needing to be done but a world awakening to spring and all that is good in the world.

Flowers blooming birds singing and the trees coming alive in color especially among the cherry trees apples and lilacs. I found not that I was missing something as life had taken so many nasty turns instead I found that I was awake alive and feeling passionate about my life my home and all the good that I had achieved funneled through me bringing about a feeling of great satisfaction.

I spend so much of my time working but need to find balance. Attitude effects everything and what we say we can't really take back. So we need to be kind whenever possible humble when successful, resilient to adversity and live every day like it may be our last.

Building bridges and making connections to new and inviting things while dealing with difficult decisions.

I live in an interesting house its just me among seven women with ages from six months to 28 years we are a young family and a half as my wife's sister also lives with us and her two children.

As I returned home yesterday I was greeted with backed up plumbing in the bathroom running into my basement and an adventure in snaking the pipes as the water was coming back up from the sink out of the tub a bent coat hanger finally freed the clog a plunger on the shower floor could not.

Dealing with these types of issues are a common occurrence in an 1890's Victorian with a number of updates. U have greatly eliminated spending and have spent very little on fixing these types of problems since I bought the house freeing up money overtime to pay for things we actually need.

The new dilemma however is daycare we have an exceptional daycare which watches our 9 month old they have been very kind to us by providing very low prices for watching a baby and they are exceptionally good caretakers however shelling out over a hundred dollars a week when the money is needed elsewhere is very difficult at best this was my wife's decision we had been paying for one day a week to secure her spot while we were waiting to see if we qualified for daycare assistance, prior to that I had been watching her first shift before I  go to work around 2:30. Daycare assistance came in and they pay a whoping 2.00 or so of her daycare bill every week. My wife believes that if I quit my second job they will cover more, I don't see the point as it is the only way I am able to actually pay down debt and take bills off of her plate plus I really miss my baby who is growing up much to fast if you ask me. Time seems to go by faster every day. I enjoy getting more sleep but my wife is perfectly capable of watching her during the week as her hours are eratic at best.

So the new issue is finding a way to get my wife to see that we cannot afford to continue to pay for daycare as things are at the moment the one day a week is essential to me so that I can sleep before I work three shifts between Thursday afternoon and Friday morning but that frees up almost four thousand a year in New England that is allot of money.

Like our wonderful congress my wife tries to be hazy about finances she makes little fibs to make it look like she got a fantastic deal while shopping or to try and undercut how much she actually spent on the new gadget or gizmo. She has to pay bills late when they cut her hours and I have to pick up slack often. Making planning to pay down debt much more difficult. I love my wife and her happiness is important but living beyond ones means is a disaster waiting to happen.

Projects that sit idle and collect dust

If you want to clear some clutter and feel better about all the things you start and never finish here is a fantastic way to start and I have begun working diligently on my list. Find the first annoying project that you have never finished or even started.

Time is really short everyone knows that so here we go I have begun adding a layer of insulation to my attic floor I have been bringing home rolls of insulation on a regular basis as they have been at a fantastic price on clearance at home Depot. Living in New England means you pay a substantial chunk of change for heating all winter the first minor project I did was to wrap the Hot Water heater that reduced our Electric bill around 8 dollars a month right of the bat and kept the water hotter longer. I did not buy the standard thin blanket they sell in stores instead I spent even less by using a regular roll of insulation and framing in around the hot water heater with a simple 2x4 box nothing complicated just a frame around it in my basement then stuffed in the insulation it has already paid for itself and has begun putting cash back in our pockets.

Today's project however is to use the four or five rolls of insulation under the attic floor to reduce lost heat through the upstairs part of the house. A quick spell check and I will be off its 8:31 now lets see how long that project I have been putting off will really take? Wow no spelling errors off for a cup of coffee and then on with the rubber gloves and long sleeve shirt. 8:32. Well Thirty minutes have passed and I have insulated about a sixty square foot area doubling up on insulation to bring it to the joists and filling a twenty foot section of one wall. I also filled one large trash bag with debree and now will have to take a nice hot shower to get off all the insulation and be ready for work later.

better than cranial rectal inversion

Time and Money Management Function as Opposites as well as the same thing

I have been striving to control expenses over the last several years as a result of a substantial decrease in income. What I gained was time with my family and my children that time was much more valuable than the income ever could have been.

The result of several years of less income with only limited abilities to cut costs was a substantial reduction of overall assets and cash flow. Like a star wars episode their must be balance in the force. Well balancing your checkbook isn't quite the same thing or is it?

Durring my lunch breaks which are only thirty minutes I dart home to see my children and wife if she isn't working I promptly scoop up my baby girl and carry her around the house while grabbing a drink and a quick bite to eat. I would otherwise spend my lunch sitting in my car and figuring my finances. As I work second shift all week I do not see nearly as much of the girls as I would typically like. I am also working a second job which intermittently takes up the whole weekend. The purpose of keeping both jobs is two parts I have spent a fair amount of time over the last several years being unemployed finding a job when you don't have one is much more difficult. I stayed at home with the kids during that time and was the official stay at home dad so I was very busy and that is a hard job to do.

For the sake of simplifying my life I have followed a few steps which I have known or understood my whole adult life but did not always follow.
I did the grueling duty of looking at all my assets and liabilities listing them out focusing on the cost of each and every debt and arriving at a very large number when adding the mortgage and student loans.

Once I had a very good idea of where I was at which is nowhere near where I was a few years ago I began to do the hard work of getting out of the mess I had gotten myself into. I have not hit rock bottom but did not intend to go further than I already had in the wrong direction when the opportunity for a new position opened up I jumped on it instead of quiting my restart job I  kept it to accelerate debt reduction. I picked a debt and not the traditional one having the highest interest that I placed second on the list as my priorities were different. I then began to ruthlessly attack it attempting to drop it anyway I could in order to accelerate reduction.
At the same time I have increased the cushion in my checking account using rounding and automatic withdrawals. The normal theory is to stop using all debt instruments to get out of debt instead I use corrective leverage I have accounts which I have used for the sole purpose of reducing other accounts. While this is a contrary view to most assessments I see a lower interest rate as an improvement in the short run as an excellent way to make a larger dent. Leverage used correctly has fantastic properties.

Their are ways to borrow like prosper.com and others which you can fiance debt at less than high interest rates loans and lines of credit with low or temporary rates are fine as long as you can keep up the payments and use all the principle you borrow to pay down higher debts.

I reward myself for success I am far from treating myself to something fantastic like a big screen TV more along the lines of a cheep night out or a new pair of sneakers. I try not to spend anything outside of routine expenses. We don't go out to eat or order in I don't buy new clothes often unless I need them for work and then I buy everything used except shoes socks and underwear. I try to wear out the oldest and rattiest clothes first. the result is more space and less laundry overtime.

I have crossed the first big hurdle in just under two months with the aide of some scrap metal made up of gold silver copper aluminum and lead. I am attempting now to clear the house of some antique furniture I have refinished through group shops and possibly auctions. All of this is hard work with a limited amount of time in the day. My next goal is approximately the same size as my last goal and will take likely longer around three months of work to eliminate, but when it is eliminated it will accelerate paying down the next one as it will free up around 50.00 a month when it is gone the reason it will take longer short of some significant sales or other sources of income is that I have taken one burden from my wife and will be taking another next month. She will be taking the tax return and using it to pay down or actually off as many as two others of equal size. All together that will free up about two hundred dollars a month between the two of us to accelerate other payments.

I am currently a temp at my new job, the paperwork is already started to go permanent when I do I expect a two dollar an hour bump in pay that bump of eighty dollars a week will be split between two weekly automatic withdrawals one to savings and the other to pay down the next debt which may accelerate my pay down significantly the difference in overtime I will manually transfer to savings or use to pay down the same debt on alternate weeks. The result of a pay increase will not be felt in our daily lives as a comfort they will not stimulate the economy or raise our standard of living in the short run what they will do is decrease our debt making life easier in the long run and allowing us to live more within our means.


My wife is a wild card in this respect she is very hostile when it comes to money and we are far from on the same page of living simply and reducing costs. Which is not to say we don't understand each other but she does not view money the same way as I do nor do we follow the same ideals about debt. You can make this into a huge problem if you like and yes it does cause friction, however, I love her and money is not such a big thing if kept in perspective.

Purging Giving Fruit platters loss and the healing power of music

Yesterday was an excellent day for purging and today is no exception thirty six records made the heap today as did a number of stained rags which were of less than suitable condition to be of much use.


Also yesterday I was amused to watch a rather attractive woman walking through Home Depot with a toilet seat cover stuck in the back of her jeans she made it half way through the store before she either pulled it out or it fell out I wouldn't know I and two other coworkers were dieing laughing standing just inside one aisle or another. I attempted to get my phone camera to fire but by the time i darted back to take a picture composing myself only slightly in the process she had already freed herself of the extra baggage.
The problems I solve on a daily basis are often interesting and if you have a home improvement dilemma I would be happy to help here as well with recommendations. That is the best part of my job short of playing with heavy machinery on a daily basis.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to gather some items for a family in need and send some others to the salvation army I am still thinking of the family in need and wishing them the best. Their are so many things we loose that cannot be replaced and I am sad to say that the family dog was one of them.
On a brighter note Eric Clapton is lightening the mode in the house with some good old fashioned blues the cradle album is playing his talent and skill combine to make incredible music which will likely fade into some Nora Jones.

I have a fair amount of cleaning left to do today and a fruit platter to complete for my nieces preschool tomorrow nothing like fresh pineapple.

Recuring dreams of peace in anxious circumstances

I have been having a recuring dream lately which seems to have hit its conclusion durring several hours of sleep on this fine evening just before spring pokes its head around the corner melting the masses of snow covering everything in New England.

I am not one for being a prophet nor do I have belief in much of anything leading our lives on a string, however our dreams are from a deeper part of ourselves and as such have a greater meaning at most times than outside sources as they are made up of our hopes dreams and mental issues which we are working through on a daily basis even if only on a subconscious level.

Listening to ones dreams can show us things we did not even realize were bothering us. I have not had an anxiety attack in several years although there was a time when I had them often. My dream was quite vivid with a man who was quite dashing and calm even in the worst of times I had been frustrated and complaining about the way something I needed to repair had been done nothing new I had faced something which was not bothering me at all on a conscious level I did not worry about nor do I waste much though about. By the end of the dream I was completely calm as if under a deep hypnosis but highly awake the feeling was empowering and I woke refreshed in the wee hours of the morning facing oncoming traffic as the driver drove head on into opposing traffic I myself was wedged tightly against the drivers door in an uncomfortable type of position while he was driving the symbolism could mean many things but is likely the feeling of being traped and unable to escape without impending doom but no where in the dream did i feel uncomfortable just that I likely needed to feel so.

In short it was a complex set of feelings which empowered and did not slow me from the onset. I have not had many dreams I remember of late and have had few that were so enlightening or left me feeling so much better than I did when I fell asleep in the first place.

Giving and self improvement

It is just past midnight I have had a day not good or bad just functioning. The little one and I ran errands after her nap time I managed a cat nap while she was sleeping. We donated a large bag of clothes at the salvation army which cleared up a large space in the living room. We also gathered up some barbies and books for a coworker who's family lost everything this week in a house fire which was a total loss. It could not have happened to nicer people.
Giving is a gift in itself not only do you have more space than you had before but you receive something greater when you know you have actually helped another. The act of giving adds something to our lives and character that you can receive in no other way. Giving is essential to the human spirit and feeling joy. It made me feel
I enjoyed the day with my daughter who is growing and learning more every day. The older girls are all away today. I worked a four hour shift at HD and gathered up a cart full of scrap lumber for burning. I enjoyed the company of some coworkers and bought a box of cedar shakes for my mother on clearance for ten dollars usually costing around 125.00. I frequently buy items on clearance we can use or I think others can use I hope others will do the same for me.

Work is good for your soul day five

I don't really hate either one of my jobs however my part time job insists on twenty hours of availability during the week including weekends the result is open hours on Friday so here is how this shift usually works I go to work Monday through Friday from 2:30 until 11:00 unless their is overtime then I stay later. Thursdays I work from 2:30 to 11:00 pm then work from typically 4:00AM until 1:00 PM returning to work for 2:30 until 11:00 pm resulting in me being awake for a typical 32 hours straight. The only thing I typically get for sleep is extra sleep on Thursday and then several small cat naps. I call this thirty two hours hell day and I really don't like it.
Chores take a back burner as does everything else. I did manage to join blog carnival in the wee hours of the morning and to do this entry in addition to checking bank balances. Later on during my break I will recheck the bills I am going to pay before I pay them to make sure I am not missing anything and often I cut the checks right then and there.

this is not my beatiful house this is not my beautiful wife how did i get here?

Talking heads has a connection to daily life in that one line that seems to resonate with me, and I imagine with most other people at one time or another.
This is day three almost one percent down. and the days go by
During bouts of melancholy I find the only thing that will get me out of a stupor is music.... the pick of the day is Phish Birds of a feather there is a positive resonance in the song even if the lyrics are anything but. I'm not crazy about most of the rest of the album and there are a few tracks which I positively hate but I do enjoy that track enough to make it through the whole album in one whack. Larry Carlton Sapphire blue was playing first but Ive had enough and I realay don't want to go on with the same hit after hit on the radio.
So today I am attempting to reclaim the way I once felt about music when it was my whole life and woke me up inside reminding me of good and bad times some sweet some sultry and some downright miserable but that is what makes us human what gives us depth and character.
I went through and filed about eighty documents in the last few days and eliminated a huge pile for the burn heap or shred pile depending on the paper. I try to recycle anything I can think of to get more use out of it before I send it to the great trash can in the sky IE the municipal dump.
I knocked out a strainer full of dishes and washed yet another huge section of tile floor on my hands and knees before wiping down the counter bleaching them and washing them down again.

Tomorrow is yet again payday even though I have already determined where all the dollars and cents I will be receiving will go it feels good to have another chunk of change coming in to knock out some more bills including the electric bill which will dodge the monthly fee by a day or three.

It is always harder to change your means than your spending but when your means suddenly change it is difficult to make the necessary changes to meet in the middle and even harder to save.
Since December I have been working one full time job and a nearly the same at a part time job and it is still difficult to make ends meet. It is getting easier as I am nearing the end of one large payment multiple times a month you feel very good watching the balances drop and will feel even better when you move onto the next one.

I feel like today my mentality has changed a bit it may just be the music but I have made some progress over the last few days

Not one solitary comment about the state of the House

If you are a married man in this century and have been a stay at home dad or have done or said anything recently you have likely gotten yourself into trouble.
If you on the other hand do nothing your still gonna be in trouble. what a quandary
Yesterdays efforts went completely unnoticed by anyone no pleasant comment or any comment at all for that matter.

This morning I am off to the post office to buy stamps after recovering the babies snow suit and the collection and charging of some batteries I have started another fire and am off to shut down the furnace. Then off to city hall to pay down the tax bill which is now under six hundred dollars from where it was in December my goal is to have it eliminated by the middle/end of February. Eliminating the tax bill from my dolls will allow me to free up extra money from the second job to pay down the highest credit card in my arsenal.

In the twilight hours I spent about an hour working on the federal income taxes clearing a nice big spot on my desk as I entered one random thing after another. It is amazing how many tiny pieces of paper it requires to value yourself for taxes to the federal government.

Day one clean up declutter and eliminate wasted time and frustration

In an effort to clean up and simplify my life the first and most necessary step right now seems to me to be to cut spending clean up and declutter its a warmer day so I killed the furnace and began to burn scrap wood to clean up all the while cutting the oil bill. The kitchen is a disaster as the Christmas tree had a home there the furniture we moved to make it fit is yet to return to its home today I will remedy that along with decluttering anything that needs to return to the basement.
I should say that our family is quite large compared to most. I am the only man in a household of women and girls. We have three daughters two nieces and a sister in law along with my wife all housed under the same roof. To say I am is outnumbered and out gunned is an understatement.
So as you might imagine on a nearly daily basis it looks as if a bomb has exploded in our kitchen the girls all have chores which they often execute in a less than urgent or efficient manner.
step one find the bottom of the sink -success

step two fill it back up -
step one find the bottom of the sink -success

doesn't seem like steps are going to work

so ( I wonder if anyone will notice?) I did all the dishes while boiling noodles to make lunch then cleaned the counters and moved on to the floor sweeping vigorously I usually use a shop vac it does more than a broom in most cases. then an old fashioned scrubbing on hands and knees with a stained sweatshirt and some heavy duty SOS floor cleaner. I didn't know these tiles where white hum mm....


Then I came in here carrying random dirty laundry which I threw in the washer and began blogging
In new England this winter we have had one massive pile of snow after another amounting to my fence in the front yard being below the snow line on either side of the street and either side of the driveway we have mounds roughly seven feet high. on every warm day snow is pushed out into the street to melt in small shovel fulls of packed ice breaking down like sand as it hits the warm pavement you could do this dozens of times on a warm day and still not get too far ahead. so yet again I worked at the berms of ice along the edge of the driveway trying to avoid sinking later in the season into the mounds of dense ice.


Between trips outside With Jazz playing quietly in the kitchen not the slower type but a faster beat good for keeping you motivated I vacuum between trips outside knocking out the dining room rug and the living room rug along with the hallway to the stairs cleaning up as much laundry and scraps of trash along the way that always seem to work into the corners and edges of the room.